You know how they always say "the heart wants what the heart wants"? I don't know if I have a heart anymore. Over the years of depression, anxiety, abuse, (you name it it's probably happened to me) I don't know if I truly will ever love again.
At this moment right now my mind feels torn. It's looking for answers to I don't know whàt. First it was a stage sadness I had for male friend as he drove away. Normally it's because of someone I've always wanted to be with but never can. Recently I've been wondering if I feel any form of affection towards this cosplayer I've gone on a couple dates with. And now, now it's for a nightmare I had involving a man I think I loved.
Do I love or feel anything for any of these men? Is it all just crippling depression eating away at the remains on my psyche? Am I heartless, or is there still something left?
I don't know what's wrong with my anymore, I just feel so lost and alone now. All I want are answers. I've given up on dating and love because of all the pain I've had to endure, but do I still want to try again? I just feel so helpless. I don't have any hope left for my future.